Sometimes I wake up, especially on those lonely days. I wake up or lay in the bed thinking..hmm. I took myself out of a familiar environment which was home, and moved myself all the way to where no one knows me at all. I knew ahead of moving that I would go through bouts of homesickness and loneliness. I never expected to have to go find churches, go find places that were my creature comforts while I was home. I had to learn people as people had to learn me here in my new dwellings. I definitely didn’t know after I moved to VA that 9 months later I would have to pick up and move again. That in itself was stressful. *sigh* I never thought for one second that I did wrong for moving here, but I do question myself. I can’t formulate to you my readers what those questions have been in the past few months since I’ve really settled into this mountain town.
I can tell you when I’m on my trek to work in the mornings (48.4 miles to work). I do fix my eyes on the tops of the mountains, the sunrise, the mountain fogs, the scenes..on top of focusing on the interstate. Sometimes I am able to take all the beauty into my psyche and say to myself that God is beautiful. I would have never been able to see His beauty in the mountain tops on a regular basis if it weren’t for my move here.
My job is great, my apartment is great now, the scenes are the best..the loneliness kills. I didn’t realize how much time I spent with my sister. That’s probably why we didn’t have any luck finding us a steady somebody because we were always indoors.. On the weekend we’d probably be cooking or going to Red Lobster cutting up laughing about sister severely bending a fork back after “dog walking” or digging into a crab leg.
I have tried to supplement my loss with many dates with these fellas around here, phone calls, texts messagessssssssss galore. It’s not good to start a date by saying. ” For some reason I attract crazy girls”. Then my counseling shatter in my head starts getting festered anddddddd it’s not a good thing to say to me. So the dating thing has again left me feeling more lonely than before. And you know what, I’m not even looking for too serious right now. I would like to have a potential that has staying power. Something that grows..where I can talk to the guy about my *ish both good and bad..Ok my time is up. I think I’m going to bed. Yea Yea I know it’s like 8:46pm. What’s your point?