It stings

I can’t calm my nerves enough to go to sleep. When on vacation I went to sleep whenever and got up whenever…so my sleep cycle is slightly off…

Although I had a great time while on vacation a couple of things stung me. People have tendencies to say things to you to make you feel inadequate. As a young woman that is getting older, one thing that stings me is when somebody asks me when will I have children? It doesn’t sting when people unfamiliar to me ask me…it only stings when it’s someone I know and who knows me very well. It’s not only the question, it’s the attitude in which it is presented… as if I have gotten passed my “prime” so it must not be in the cards for fruit to come from my loins. Why does it sting? Because I haven’t had or am not in a committed relationship to begat any crumb snatchers….that makes it sting. It’s not like I refuse it, it just hasn’t happened for me……And Because I have worked hard to make forward and positive decisions for my life. I’ve dealt with family problems, not really seeing good examples of reciprocation of love. I’ve dealt with grief, going to school, working to make ends meet, had my share of no good dudes, but through it all I decided not to settle and not to contribute to the already 70% of black children born in the US, are to unwed mothers.  I decided to try to live by God’s word when it comes to the institution of family. I’ve contributed to society in other ways. I work with children who come from broken families, single parents and see them have financially strained situations. It causes me great anxiety to think of even having children without a husband or living how I’m living right now……………I go deep in thought when familiar people to me hit me in the womb because they can’t find anything else to complain about. Why don’t people just stay out of a woman’s womb and coochie? That’s her and God’s business. When God decides to create a situation that is right for me then maybe, until then, I think these people need to go have several seats. As a woman, it makes me feel like my decisions for myself were not right.  Women should be able to sue somebody for asking about the activity of their wombs! It maybe funny, but I’m serious. When these people can carry the baby with you, like you take 4.5 months and I’ll take the other 4.5 months of carrying…or write me a check for 1 million dollars and then I will consider conceiving after you write my check and it’s cleared by the bank. If you don’t have anything to contribute but your questions and attitudes then you’d think about it next time after paying me for age-ism and “womb distress”. I’m 31 and no I DON’T have a husband nor do I HAVE children. I do take care of other people’s children and have taken care of grown adults…and have done so for years. Ok, I’m done. 

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