Somewhere over the winter I lost my Mojo and not just a little bit…allllllll of it. Just like other people’s lives have been moving and shaking, so has mine. I felt my mojo leaving me but again you gotta push and push to get things done. I’m bouncing through Nashville traffic from the North and West side of town to head over to the loudest and liveliest dance class ever on the Southeast part of town. I love the class! I just have to wait in my truck for 2.5 hours for the class to begin which kind of wore me out. I hop over to the church house once a week right after working with middle schoolers for grief support group, which I’m always wondering if people will show up for but most of the time, they don’t. I could go on and on about that, but I will not-I may get my hands smacked for it.
I applied to two schools for the doctoral program and was not admitted to any of them. I understood why one of them. The other left me in about a 30 min sad state. It’s challenging to even apply to these schools and to make sure all of your ducks are in a row. Then to take off work to go visit the schools for the interview process. It’s very stressful and then not get in..was like OK GOD what will you have me do? We can try this again, but truthfully this kid is tired of the process of having to prove myself. So when I get a restore I will revisit the GRE..until then it’s onto my licensure process.
My feelings about my job was overwhelming. I was being taken advantage of because of the heart I have. I had over 300 students on my caseload…but on paper I had 75. Why so many students? because at any moment and anytime a student will be sent to me, will float to me, will stalk me, will need something from me/my office. I felt like Principal #4(sans admin pay)…I wasn’t doing counseling anymore…Mojo loves counseling and seeing differences in students and being able to focus on the job of assisting students with real problems-not problems of whether or not a student looked at another student w a side eye or whether or not a random student(s) is in dress code and/or needs a belt/pencil/change of clothing/baby wipes/pads/socks/backpacks/paper/shoes/house notes/cars/..you get it.
I lost it during the season of sickness. I had three bouts of sickness during the winter which is not normal for me. It seemed as soon as I got rid of one thing, another set of coughing came in..which brings me to the grieving parts of witnessing and hearing of other people getting sick and passing away. Many people during the winter and spring season we lost at church, our janitor at the school passed away suddenly, a friend passed from complications with pneumonia (33 years old), my best friend’s father passed, many diagnosis of other close friends family members and scary times.
I spent a very fast weekend in Vegas in February and learned that I will never take a Vegas trip for just the weekend. It’s way too far and my plane ticket was a stand by ticket which led me to getting bumped several times and camping out in the LV airport for 11 hours. When I finally got a connection I booked it through LAX so I wouldn’t miss my flight home! I got to my flight right before they closed the door… My results was I had to call out from work sick for the following day bc I landed in Nashville at 4 am on a Monday morning. Only to wind up getting really sick for three days the following week.
I broke up with a guy that should have never been in my life more than a few weeks. He was NOT the one for me although he tried to convince me that he was. I was set on not bringing him into my spring season..my fav season. So I didn’t and I thank God he’s gone.
I truly believe underneath this extravert personality is my introvert personality. The introvert wants to be social, but retreats to their solo dens often. Introvert was a big part of my life up until college…Anyway, I am stuck being ON all of the time until my introvert says..wait wait YOU ARE DONE. We are done! I don’t want to meet anymore new people, I don’t want to go across town, don’t want to talk…let’s read, let’s write, let’s take a nap, let’s be silent. Stop saying yes to things right now for us..We are burning on both ends. Let’s not agree to teach right now..let’s take a sabbatical from things that people barely show up for. Let’s agree that you need to rest this brain and live life.
So since school has been out, guess what I have been doing? Slowly trying to get my life restored while sitting in silence. It had gotten bad yall..so bad that I started driving without music on in my truck. Yall know I love music! I just didn’t want the noise. I still don’t want too much noise, nor do I wish to go outside of an 8 mile radius from my house or be caught in traffic. I mean I travel for church 16 miles away, but let me tell you it has been rough getting in the car and going, not gonna lie. I do travel to see my friends too on occasion.
I started back taking my Vitamin D a couple of weeks ago and will go back for B-12 shots this week. I am detoxing from Aspartame and trying to get back eating better. I thank God that I have an opportunity to reset myself during this break. A Lot of times people are not afforded the opportunity to sit and be in silence. I’m taking full advantage of not having to hear the roaring, screaming voices of middle school students and their teachers in a hallway or my name being called over a walkie talkie for non emergencies! Woo Lord! I’m looking forward to not having dreams about yelling at droves of people standing in my office to get out. My prayer life also took some hits and the kid is just looking forward to restoring all things.
There have been some new changes in this late spring season that I am excited about..but that will be on a different blog set for a later time. All new stuff cannot be revealed just yet 🙂 *cliffhanger lol